People usually asks me why I dont date more, since I'm a good-looking, smart and funny girl. "Aggie you gotta go out to the worrrld, gurl! Experience life! There are tons of boys who would love to date you!" This aint me talking, my self-esteem aint that good all the time, this is my friends, my granny, my dad, even guys talking.
So, last night, talking to a friend I once dated, I was telling him about a guy who asked me out 5 years ago and found me again via Facebook. Thing is five years ago I thought he was really good-looking but also a douche. He says he was stupid back then, and I kinda forgot why wouldnt I go out with him except that I have huge trust issues. But then talking to the guy, I remembered we had huge differences while talking about art (I met him at a museum) and then talking about life in general, I was white and he was black every single time, which is fine, but I remember talking to him 5 years ago and he was kinda annoying when we didnt agree. Anyway, that could lead to marriage or hatred during the first date and me not wanting to see him ever again.
But, ANYWAY, thing is, most of the times, I dont date because:
- Dating makes me nervous. I feel like a product I'm trying to sell and I feel the other person is going through the same, and I also feel like Simon at American Idol judging the other person's every tiny characteristic and I suppose the other person is doing the exact same thing with me while trying to look relaxed and comfortable with the whole situation.
- I do NOT enjoy chit chat. Sometimes I chit chat, but like... With old people. Old people love chit chat, dont know why, maybe cause there isnt much going on in their lives, I dont know, maybe they dont read books anymore nor use the internet. Girls love chit chat. Sometimes chit chat with girls can be fun. No, sorry, chit chat aint fun, chit chat is fun when it leads to gossip and that only happens with girls and with my boy friends who are kind of like a girl when it comes to gossipping although they are not gay. So, finding a subject to talk about, sometimes can be really hard, and I don't enjoy talking just for the sake of talking, nor I enjoy having to put effort in it and try to find a cool, interesting subject to talk about. I sometimes think people might think im a bit weird so I try to water down my opinions like, I wont say Id eat a baby if my plane crashes on some island and I survive, but I think I would. And I wouldnt say I like guys in uniforms, specially sailors or nazi uniforms. The nazi thing shocks people sometimes but... Come on! Hugo Boss, anyone? Sometimes I do say it 'cause as some guy said, I'm a bit of a firecracker.
- Money. Im usually kind of broke from being young and in college and a tad unemployed, so I went out with this guy who was better off economically than me. We went to Mc D's and he payed, OK. But then he also wanted to go to Starbucks. I didnt want to go to Starbucks and I didnt want to spend the money I had for that day on Starbucks, but I did. I know I should've had money for the date, but I only dated once before that and the guy made the date pretty cheap that time, so I didnt get worried about the money thing and also I didnt ant to as kmy dad for money for a date. Also, the guy said something like "who knew you'd get a boyfriend at Starbucks?" that did it. I didnt go out with him again. We chatted. I think he didnt like me as well cause he didnt ask me out again or maybe I'm just weird when I chat and he got the 'I-wont-go-out-with-you-again' vibes. I dont know.
- And, more importantly, I do not date 'cause who would do something they don't like with someone they don't know if they like? I know dates are for finding out if you like each other and blah blah but usually when I see a boy I like, I know I like him right away. Otherwise, it means I'm just not that into him. It doesnt matter if he's a douche, if he's super drunk at the time, If I like him, I'd like him right away at any kind of situation, I just work like that. I see lots of people letting love for another person "grow" like, making an effort to like/love someone. Why would I do that? I prefer to be alone or have tons of cats than bringin someone in my life for the sake of having someone in my life.
- Also, dating can be fun and sometimes you gotta push yourself to do things that make you uncomfortable, so it's not like I'm a social narrow-minded freak. So take a leap of faith..? That just sounds shitty, sorry. Do whatever the fuck you want. <3